Power of Words

“Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. ….” This is a common phrase that we have used once a time in our lives. It may vary across but every community group and age had a way of saying words can’t hurt them. Jus the other day, I heard my aunt say, “Wacha waseme, akichoka walale. Hawawezi kunitingisha”-let them talk once they are done they go to sleep, they cannot shake me. I also remember that time in primary school when we used to say, “Matusi hayatajibandika kwa uso!”-words can’t stick/be pasted on my forehead. Well we all say that in one form or another but even that we know it is not true Words do hurt, sometimes more than stick and stones. They may not shake you physically, but they shake you emotionally, they move your heart and feeling. Look, why do you feel disturbed? Why do you get angry? Why do fear when someone give you a threat call? Words are powerful. And their wounds, can last a life time. They may not paste themselves on your forehead that everyone can read, but they are pasted somewhere in your subconscious such that someone may know you are hurt.

Yes words are so powerful, they make and break. What most of us call the power of the tongue is what the power of words is. In the beginning, God used words to create the world. He gives the same power to man when he created him, when he told him to name all the creatures on the face of the earth. The power of words, the power of naming! Put it across and it become. It came down all the way to parent and up to date, we see parents have the power to name their child. And every single word they say into their lives mould them and make them. Once my Kiswahili teacher told me, “what thou shall profess, thou shall become.”

Today I was sat at my Kinyozi shop, the barbers started discussing why and how they landed in their profession. One of them asked if any of them wanted to be what they are today. My barber recounted one day when their teacher asked what they wanted to be in future. Him he wanted to be ship captain but he never made it. One of the classmate said that he would be a robber; he would be waiting for the others to gather money and him he goes to pick it. Sadly, that is what he became to be. He was killed two weeks ago while carjacking a car in Nairobi.

Words! The way we communicate our ideas, we affirm our passions, our dreams and thought systems. We affirm who we are! Gladly, positive life-affirming words are powerful too. I remember when I was small; I used to misplace my stuff very often. Well, probably I was just a boy growing up! Because of that, my big sisters and my dad used to call me careless! That went on and careless I became. I can’t explain it well here, but I used to loose and misplace things, my books were untidy! Not that I was untidy myself, but from home I was called careless! So I become. I remember one day my mom sent me to but kerosene, she gave me KES 150. That is all she had in her pocket. She told me three times to take care of the money. My big brother, who was there, asked her why she was sending me and she knew how careless I was with money! She told me to go ahead. I got to the gas station, I looked for the money and I cont find it. I was so shaken! I cried, I run back home looking for the money, but I couldn’t find it! I got home, I couldn’t talk, and I was all in tears. When I told my brother that I lost the money, he really beat me. When my mother came later, I had decided to run away from home. I knew I had disappointed my mother; I lost all the money that she had. When she came, I told her not to beat more; I told her that I was really sorry. She looked at me and asked me what I wanted her to do with me. I responded and told her, since I am a careless child, I should become a chokora (street boys who eat from the bins). I told her I wanted to leave and become a chokora. She looked at me told me to sit down and narrate what happened, she wanted to know how I lost the money. I explain everything and she asked; did you check your pockets? I said yes. “You searched thoroughly?” I responded yes. Then she asked, “apart from the pocket, where else would you keep the money, if you do not want to lose it?” I kept quiet. She asked, “Have you checked in your socks?” I said no. she told me to check and ……there the money was! She looked at me and said, you are not careless, you are just too careful to lose the money. Next time remember where you have carefully kept the money.

Next time, remember where you have carefully kept the money! Yes that is a statement I remember to date. And it changed my whole perspective of me being careless. And never did I lose money when I was sent to the market! What the power of words can do!  Encouraging words can wipe out self doubt like sunshine breaking though the fog. They instill confidence, and self esteem. Hopeful words do dispel fear.

In spite of the cacophony of ugly, pessimistic and degrading sounds, words of love and lyrics of hope instill hope, confidence, esteem and strength to go on with life. A friend of mine who is script writer and director, told me that before every play set on, she calls all actors and affirm them of their great talent. Assure them of her support and optimism in their performance. Surprisingly, she told me that in most cases, whether the play scoops the first position or not, her students knows that they did their best and that they just missed the first point not that they are incapable! Power of words! I like what she believes in; that all of us have great potential and all we need is someone to tell us we can make it and that we are great. All we need is someone to assure us of who we are and what we can achieve. However in this full of world of competition and gullible people and selfish intent in everything, few people find time to tell you of what you are worth of. No one wants to make you feel appreciated. Most people are eager to misuse and take advantage of who you are and what you can do.

Giving people messages of eternal life, of hope and assurance, is like bathing a broken heart like a warm healing balm. I have learnt to talk words of assurance and love to people, because experience have taught me, even if at that moment they do not make sense, once a upon time, they will.

The power of the statement and words that we speak to and unto people and people speak to us cannot be over emphasized. We therefore need to learn to speak words that caution, build and help others and even ourselves come out of the fears and disappointment that we are in at the moment. Make it a point today to encourage every single person you encounter today. And you know what; smiles, a halo, thank you or sorry is all that you might need to add in your vocabulary!

WHEREVER YOU GO I STILL TREASURE YOU HONEY, BE BLESSED.

When we meet people that we love, we want all to know that they are in our lives. It is a cerebration for Love, and when they leave too, I believe they deserve a similar recognition. Yeah, I call it endless love. Well, one year ago I had to loose someone I loved so much, and the hardest thing was to acknowledge that they deserve to go. I couldn't bring myself to believe that we are not going to what we were before. After endless sleepless and tearful nights, I had to clean up, stand up, shut up and move on. And here I wrote this letter to them.....

"There's no doubt that friends are one of the greatest joys in life. Good friendships bring you connection, intimacy, fun, support and (this has been proven) better health and longevity. We can take all this rather for granted. We all instinctively know that friendships matter to us, and that we can get a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure from close relationships with people who are not blood relatives.

But when a friendship ends, it can be excruciating and very hard to cope with. When you lose a friend, the end of the friendship can feel as devastating as a bereavement. But it's difficult to grieve, exactly, because your friend is not dead. Just no longer your friend. So there's no funeral rites to help you, and no condolences from other people. The foundations of your life have been shaken - but everybody expects you to go on as normal.

You may know what it was that brought your friendship to an end. If it was by mutual agreement, you may have expected that you would be able to handle the loss of your friend with equanimity. You may be puzzled to find yourself going through the stages of grief. You may feel inexplicably weepy. Or angry. Or depressed. Because, even if you ended the friendship by agreement, you really have lost something important.

It helps to acknowledge your own pain - to other friends if you can, but at least to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of the friendship. Friendships are important parts of the structures of our lives, and when they go, they deserve recognition.

You can take the time to feel sad, but also to be glad of the good things that friendship brought you. It is sad when you realize that you might not keep in touch as often as you used to. And be as close as you used to be. Sad is even to know that you may never be in his arms again, that you have to forget the love you shared, the sweet moment. But the joy of it is realizing that at least you had a chance to love, to be intimate and have good times in your life with him. There is great power in blessing them for in a way you evoke the same blessing for yourself too. Appreciate him a gift from God and thank God for the time you spend together. Then you can join me in saying this prayer together,

iGod grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.Amen."

Self Discipline: A tool you aint gonna mess up with!

Self-discipline is the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state. Imagine what you could accomplish if you could simply get yourself to follow through on your best intentions no matter what. Picture yourself saying to your body, “Kissheart you are bright you can make a distinction this semester!” Without self-discipline that intention won’t become manifest. But with sufficient self-discipline, it’s a done deal. The pinnacle of self-discipline is when you reach the point that when you make a conscious decision; it’s virtually guaranteed you’ll follow through on it.

Self-discipline is one of many personal development tools available to you. Of course it is not a panacea. Nevertheless, the problems which self-discipline can solve are important, and while there are other ways to solve these problems, self-discipline absolutely shreds them. Self-discipline can empower you to overcome any addiction or lose any amount of weight. It can wipe out procrastination, disorder, and ignorance. Within the domain of problems it can solve, self-discipline is simply unmatched. Moreover, it becomes a powerful teammate when combined with other tools like passion, goal-setting, and planning.

Self discipline is based on certain pillars of that make it firm and help one walk on it. One of the pillars is acceptance. Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive. This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is coupled with the failure to accept who you are and be comfortable with the same. One of the grave mistakes we may tend to make each day of our lives is failure to accept who we are, where we have come from and where we are now. Acceptance really gives us insight of what we are going through and the courage to know that where we are standing we can be better. As such in reference to self discipline it is good to picture where you were sometime back where you are standing now and really where you want to be. It is so blind of one to think of just standing and moving on without reflecting. You will be bound to propagate the same mistakes you did the previous day. Reflect, learn, stand up and move on.

Another important pillar is will-power. The greatest source of energy to achieve lies within us. It is you therefore and your willingness to work on your discipline that will really matter where and how far you will go. The will power is the ability to set a course of action and embark on it saying, “I can do it, I will do it, I am doing it and see……….I have done it.” In essence it is the starter of your life and provides the force to overcome the power of inertia and hence you are able to move on. One needs to learn how to formulate and maintain strong objectives that are attainable and realistic. These helps one to create a good work plan that sets the way to your destiny. Without these there are no ways you can really maintain your path. Anyway if you were going nowhere, isn’t anywhere a destiny?

The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work. This statement sets us to the other pillar. Hard work. The nice thing about hard work is that it’s universal. It doesn’t matter what industry you’re in — hard work can be used to achieve positive long-term results regardless of the specifics. It is what challenges you; it is what demands your energy when you are feeling depleted. Well sometimes may not always be the case but my belief is most of the easy things that we like doing are already saturated and won’t earn us as much. Therefore, it is time to take the challenge and do what is hard. Challenge is good as it help us know what we are and what we are made up of. Some us are tough and able to do great things but because we never take up the challenge, we believe we are not up to the level. That remind me of time while in high school. 

I happened to attend a local harambee high school that was not a good performer. Many a time I really use to feel like I belong to the level the Cs and Ds that were the order of the school. One day our mathematic teacher, (oh yeah, blessed thee Mr Gaterina) told me that I was supposed to attend a District mathematic contest. Men, I laughed, this teacher want me take my Ds to the district contest!! He insisted that he was not joking and that I had to it. I went home that day kinda feeling that the teachers were up to embarrass me. On sharing the issue with mom, she was like. “mhhhhhh, that is nice, between now and Saturday if you work hard you are going to make you grades better. You just need to work a little harder.” Mind you it was on Wednesday and mom was thinking I can make it by Saturday? I thought she was nutstoo. The following morning, Mr. Gaterina announces that further in the meeting they agreed that I shall sit for the mathematic paper two (comprises of work of form three and form four) while Sam, (who used to get Bs) would sit for paper one(basically form one and form two work). They couldn’t have consulted me? Did they know that we were still doing form three work (that is in May in form four!!!) worse still the teacher offers me two mathematic text books that am supposed to revise with them, guys am not friendly to text books!!

Well that was Thursday. As we were going home my girlfriend at that time told me that I should do something and make sure that I do not embarrass her. She too insisted that am brighter than even Sam and that’s why I was chosen for paper too, how I don’t know!! With that, for the sake of my love, I started to strategize. Went through few past papers and saw how questions were being set, and saw that if I would be ready with only six topics, then I can count on more than a half.
When Saturday came, there we were at Kiambu High School, with flashy national, provincial and district schools in attendance. I freaked out. My teacher told me that I can make it and that I should relax and remember that no matter how hard questions appear, I knew everything in the paper and I should let my mind to relax. Down with paper I went and when the results came out, there Kissheart was among the top 3 in the whole test. Funny enough none of the top five came from the national or provincial school. Ever since then I get the spring board for my mathematic performance. If I refused to take up the challenge, I doubt I would have made it the far I have.



The last pillar that I would mention is consistency of character, dreams, goals, vision and attitude. Human being can alter their lives by altering the attitude of their lives. One you have set and attitude and character to follow it sort of automatically translate to your life. With consistency one learns how to persist, not to be stubborn but to keep on going even when things seems tough. Remember it is in tough times do tough people rise. Persistence comes from a vision of the future that’s so compelling you would give almost anything to make it real. Persistence of action comes from persistence of vision. When you’re super-clear about what you want in such a way that your vision doesn’t change much, you’ll be consistent in your actions. And that consistency of action will produce consistency of results.
As I finish typing this note am surprised at how I can write, and how I speak to my heart in writing. Indeed I was giving myself a lecture because of a tough paper I did yesterday that I really felt that my failure in it is because of my failure to be disciplined in my studies, consistent and hardworking…….hold on stop laughing at me, think about yourself, what you want to achieve and work towards where passion and self-discipline function synergistically.

2010 in a nutshell

In December 2009, I was really on my downiest time of my life; I had to start a new life in almost all aspect of myself. But mid of that month, I saw the hand of God and things worked so well till the end of the year. I started the New Year with such zeal and hope. Yah, I did kick it off on a high note. January 2010 I was so optimistic of the coming year. I knew I would really work on my resolutions and goals I had here. But this is what it turned out to be:

1.       January

a.      Happy new year

b.      Matatus goes on strike, I report to school three days later.

c.       A cheque I was expecting bounces, I have to survive in campus for three weeks with KES 450 in the pocket.

d.      Unbelievable support from my campus family; Cecilia Njoroge, Maryanne Kagai Anne Olang'o.

e.      Meets Martin R Khay talk and he restores hope to live another day. Martin, I remember the chipos we had at that ka hotel and talking for three hours.

The lessons learnt in this month were; life bouncing castle, the higher you jump the higher you bounce.

2.       February

a.      The cheque matures; life is better, settles debts with my Sacco. Never felt that relieved.

b.      Initial drama in my relationship, meet to iron it out. The partner is left more than shuddered; I am left more than pieces of bloody heart.

c.       I am tired of school and take a whole week recess to Mwea, just one week to exam.

d.      14^th, Robert is one year old. Woken up in my room at 0000hrs by a group of gals I never forget, Cecilia, Anne, Kogos, Naomi, and others. Rumor had reached them that I am planning to escape that morning at 6am to head home. So they decided to wash me at that time. Ooh twas cold but the happy birthday song made me warmer. Thanks for the love. On the same day, goes to the children’s’ home and meet Blessol, Leila, Joyce and Gulliet. Gals you still rock in my life.

e.      Starts exams, closes school and goes to Kakamega for a week. Gets to know Esther Muthee more, can’t forget the fun we had as we trained together. You are gal destined for greater things in life.

Lesson: So many people say that you won’t amount to anything, you won’t make it, and you won’t succeed- unless you’re on your own. But those people forget the heroes standing behind them- the unsung warriors- the brave fighters and peacemakers- who make life what it is. These people are friends, compadres, amigos, amis and even the chums- add the vibrancy and color to this world that is otherwise a monotone black and white. These people- who no matter what is wrong and what they are doing, support you every step of the way and hold you up when you’re falling.

3.      March

Meet Patrick Kiarie Nyokabi, this man turns my life all the other round. We talked and I thought I was watching a movie. I see what God can do for his people; I moved a notch higher in faith. He ends up becoming more than a brother. Patrick Kiarie Nyokabi I love and treasure you so much. You are such a blessing.

Reports back to school for second semester. There is no much to do than read. The reality that I may have completely lost the one that I loved strikes me.  Maryanne Kagai your support is invaluable. Love you big gal.

Lesson:

So the grace You poured upon my life
Will return to You in praise
I'll gladly lay down all my crowns
For the name of which I am saved
Redeemer Savior Friend

4.      April

A very cool month, very rainy. A lot of attention to books, knowing that the end of year exams is just around the corner. Receives a sweet gift of books from my sweet mom, Rosemary Kestner. The books take me a higher notch in my spiritual life. Rosemary Kestner I still read the books and they are such a blessing. Thanks you so much for the books and can’t wait to see you next year.

My mother Josephine Wanjiru Maruri turns 54! She gives me a surprise in my life, am so not going to expose it until later.

5.      May and June

I have been a good member of G-Kenya Trust for one and half month and now acting as the secretary. I join the other members, David Kuria, Elphas Naivasha, Leonard Mutisya, Maurs Tunya, Ali, Gabriel, Javince, Chris Lilo . They are such a great set of brains, talents, friendships and life changers. Values you guys very much.

We sets out with the G-Kenya Trust to domesticate the Yogyakarta Principles; a universal guide to human rights which affirm binding international legal standards and promise a different future where all people born free and equal in dignity and rights can fulfill their precious birthright.

I am preparing to do the end of year exams. The SONU elections are approaching. There are bashments all over campus, noisy and very lousy. Elections are done; get back to normal life in campus. In no time, student’s starts rioting and we are sent home till further notice. It turns out to five weeks out of college.

I am so bored with life, but an opportunity to spend my time at G-Kenya Trust volunteering. This turns out to be a time when am molded into an activist, and to revisit my proposal writing skills which had dwindled since I joined campus two years ago. It was a breathtaking experiencing, empowering, eye-opening and all the same challenging in totality. Key thing I learnt in the period were to get to live with people of diverse opinion and personality and appreciate the inherent strength of a person, deal with prejudice and discriminations. I can forget what and experience it was working with  David Kuria, Elphas Naivasha, Leonard Mutisya, Maurs Tunya, Ali, Gabriel,  Denis Nzioka, Soloh, Owen. We had our differences, but am glad we tried to override them. Blessings to all of you and the good work you are doing. Hope we are going to do bigger stuff this year.

Other important people that I met at the place were; Sam Masai, your sense of humor and encouraging verses makes me miss you every minute.

Ryan Ubuntu, the intern from Clinton school of public service, you are a friend, a colleague and a mentor. Your expertise, zeal and diligence still amazes me. I will treasure you all along and I hope to see you soon.  We did a lot and we are going to do even more together. We share a vision. I am praying for you to get a new Job and a partner too!!HUH

6.      July

We are called back to school, with only one week to prepare for the exam. I receive bad news that Ryan Ubuntu cutting short his visit to Kenya. I remember meeting you at the hotel and seeing you off. I owe you big time dear. G-Kenya trust is rocking weakly in a wave that seems it will tear it up. A time to challenge prejudice and the real meaning of standing for justice. I still feel guilty that my assertive skills never worked and working on the even now. Huh am glad G-Kenya Trust stood that and came out stronger.

I am doing my exam, it was an uphill climb. Parasitology and Microbiology are making me tense all up. Oh, thank God I did it all.

7.      August and September

I am volunteering at G-Kenya Trust. Packing at a friend’s House, Elphas. It was cool, and despite all that happened later, thanks so much for the time. I owe you big time for your kindness, and commitment in the activism. Keep the spirit brother and I wish blessings to come all your way. I meet very humble people from Nairobi, guys from Mwaura’s, courtesy of Blessol and Joyce. I tell you, the story made me thank God for every single moment I sleep under a roof and for every thought of a bright future I find away.

8.      October

I am at home preparing to go back to school. two weeks of sleeping and relaxing. Thanks God for my mom and sisters, you just make me miss home everytime. Small bro Richard and nephew Ben Love you big. I miss seeing you off to school in the morning. I look forward to see you as big men in the community. You still come to be the Pilot and Doctors you want to be in future. God lead you.

I am reporting to school. I just realize I was not allocated a room by SWA.  And my most turbulent time of my year starts. I am just from clearing some issues that had been holding important things of my life and was not really standing on a good ground. Ferrying from home for two weeks was just too stressing. I thanks God for my family in campus; Cecilia Njoroge, Maryanne Kagai Anne Olang'o. Mbarikiwe tu sana. The collabo to host me is just invaluable. 

The same time I meet a very Important man of God who have really restored a lot of Lost hope in my life; Nebert Njeru. You are a God sent angel in my life and I tell you we are going to work together through thick and thin to see what we agreed comes to be. I am grateful that you shared a dream that no other person ever shared to me. I thank God that since I met you I can comfortably say I have a father. Mbarikiwa tu mpaka ufloat.

9.      November

I am just accustoming to school life. Trying to get the grip of studies, when a bad thing happens again. I lose my sweet lovely grandma. Nduta wa Korre. She is the one woman who fore saw something in my about influence and leadership when I was toddler and told me that I am destined for big things. I lost my hope when I was in high school and she walked me home assuring of success. I will not forget the times we have talked, the wise words you have told me. I will always miss you grandma. Sob Sob Sob! Surely you were a great woman, a politician, a mentor, a leader, a mother, a grandmother and a legacy we will sing of forever. You told that I may not be that masculine but I am a great man. You are my role model.

I am having the time with the lowest emotional level. I want to take a week or two from school to a place far away where I can get to focus on myself, deal with some anger and hatred toward God and some people for long time in my life. I can’t just get to class; I have no energies for that. And so I miss the classes, and at the end of the month I am called to go for training in Bondo. Probably, this going to be a breather for me.

I take one afternoon, go to certain garden, I cry and cry and cry and cry……….when am leaving there, I feel better though still mad at God and life, They are so unfair. Did I deserve all the suffering in my life?

10.   December

I am in Bondo at the beginning of the month. I am taking all the sweet time to reflect on my inner self and what I want to make out of life. I am having great company with colleagues and the guys we were training. Challenging times at Got Kojwang’, Pith Dero and Kamariga. I make new friends, Wabi, Maja, cate and Wilberforce. A lot to learn and a lot to keep for my life. I shall share them later.

Get back to school and on the day I arrive I am so not sleepy so I chat with a new friend on facebook, called Mwangi Mukami. Since that day, I knew I have met a brother, a mentor and friend. God bless you for all that we have shared and we are continuing to share. A lot of blessings you have helped me gather. You taught me the place I need to take in life ever and I am not going to bargain for anything less.

This happens to be the month that I am meeting very interesting personalities and friends, just to mention them, France Mwambia, Teapati Reinhard, Steve Jay, Fred Kinoti, Rae Ray, Izoh Chakaya and all my facebook friends who I can’t all enlist here here, Robyn Ndouch Ba-Chiru Friends. You are such a blessing to me, you encourage, teach and promote my wellbeing. Thanks for everything. Fred Kinoti, France Mwambia Mwangi Mukami, Nebert  Njeru looking up for bigger things from us this coming year.

There are also these special friends in my life who have been there for me by me and with me through thick and thin, life in and life out; Trizah Kamau- First love, John Mburu-Trinity Brothers, Patrick and Esther, Patrick Musibi, Veno Beacky, Fr. Edward and whole OFM Conv. fraternity, Sean Gits, Kiratu Douglas. Guys Tumetoka Mbali na Tunaenda Mbali pia.

Finally, when you look at Robert, don’t just see a man there; see the works of the Almighty God. Every ounce of me is because of his grace and love. You should also see the great work Josephine, my mother has done into my life and not to forget my siblings; Joshua, Alice, Mary, George, Marieh, Anne, Richard. That is the family that keep me beating, I love them so much!

I have no idea what to expect this coming year. I am tempted not to make any resolutions since the last years seems like a bounce back. One major prayer I have is a drive toward full independence, expanded boundaries and financial breakthrough, guidance from the God. I want to be a year when I will grow in faith, strength, career, in favor of God and Mankind.

And the debate continues

I love the word of God, because it speaks of love and redemption. However much it may condemn and look inconsistent with other issues that occurs, it embraces one thing, Love, hope and faith; which means, the bible speaks of inherent respect for all human beings irrespective of orientations, backgrounds or future projections.

Every time I am addressing any group of people or persons who are marginalized and more so the LGBTI persons, I look into getting to understand who they are, more than what they do! It is not impressing to realize people of knowledge, and who are well looked upon to give command just reduce the LGBTI to their acts. Bearing a narrow point of view and understanding of people is dangerous and least to mention detrimental to the social wellbeing of a community.

One day I was talking to a group of counselors, interesting the issue of homosexuality in high school came up. So I wrote the term HOMOSEXUALS in bold on the flip chart then I asked them, to describe them using one word, based on the following questions: who? Why? Where? When? How? Interesting I noted two men in the group just closed their eyes and flown their faces as in pain. Exploring that further, it came out evidently that at the mention of the name homosexual flushed a picture of two men having anal sex. Oh yeah right, maybe it is too happening to you too. But take a moment and think, who is a homosexual? Is it a man who has sex with men, what is commonly called MSM? Interestingly, I came to learn in that session too that most people don’t even remember actually there are homosexual women and so they just think that it involves men only. And that is why, as the comments above shows, most people just look at men who have sex with men (MSM) as homosexuals only; and as a result homosexuality as anal sex only.

Just a point of clarification, people need to get it into their mind that there is a great difference between sexual orientation and sexual activities. To start with, we are created as human beings in a way that we express complexity and diversity in character, perceptions and orientations. Sexuality- the sum total of all biological/physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual and social aspects of an individual in regard to their sex and/or gender- is no exception. Therefore across the globe, continents, communities and cultures and more so time, there are observed with keen interest sexual diversity, especially in orientation and activities carried among the people of the same gender or of the opposite genders.

While Sexual Orientation describes a person’s emotional, romantic and sexual attraction patterns to other people, be it of his gender, other gender or both, sexual activities describe the deliberate acts/activities that seeks to gratify their sexual desires and needs. They may not necessarily involve other partners, but in most cases they do. Therefore Sexual activity with a person of the same sex, in and of itself, does not necessarily demonstrate homosexual orientation. This is one of the points that most people who work with Men who have sex with men MSM, have come to appreciate. And as far as health is concerned it is an important epidemiological factor to consider as far as HIV and AIDS transmission and infections are concerned. Talking to a number of MSM I have worked with, I came to realize that most of them do not at all identify as gay, and there are there for fun, because of conditions they are in such as prisoners, and later go back to their wives or girlfriends while others are actually purely homosexuals in orientation and activities. That is just what they identify as! Well this account for the new treads in multi-cross infections. So a large number of the so called MSM turns out not to be homosexuals in orientation but just men who want to have sex with men and women too, and they do not at all identify as gay.

But that is not something I want to explore today, my point is this, homosexuals are more than just sexual activities. Homosexual relationships involve the holistic experience of sexuality just as heterosexual relationships do. That is physical contacts, and not always anally, psychological, emotional and spiritual and social aspects. These are not just people who meet people of the same gender simply because they want to have sexual intercourse with them. They are trying to complete their identity, they are looking for the complete emotional connection necessary for them feel loved and to love. I have come also realized that contrary to many people’s belief that whenever two men or women who are homosexual meet they must have sexual intercourse, and herein I refer to genital-genital, actually many of them just want to connect to someone who they feel well connected to and can comfortably express their identity to.

I will ask you all, as I have always done, to put aside all our prejudices and biases and in a sober way and understand that there is a clear distinction between sexual orientation and sexual activities. Homosexuals may do what is not conventionally referred to as natural, or commonly said to be against the order of nature, but it this is secondary to meeting their social emotional needs. Did you know there are so many homosexuals across the globe, who practice heterosexuality (even married), yet they identify as homosexuals? And have lovers who are of their gender and do not necessarily engaged sexual intercourse, yet they enjoy very strong romantic relationships with their partners? By the way can we say these ones are evil too? How about straight people who engage in anal sex or use sex toys, because they are there, what do we say of them? By doing so, do they become homosexuals?

I would like to close my comment by saying, not all who are attracted to or have sexual relationships with members of the same sex identify themselves as homosexual or even bisexual. Some people frequently have sex with members of the same sex yet still see themselves as heterosexual. At the same time there are those who practice heterosexuality yet they identify as homosexuals.  It is important therefore to distinguish between homosexual behavior, homosexual attraction, and homosexual identity, which need not coincide. For example, people in prison, the military, or other sex-segregated environments may engage in situational homosexual behavior despite being heterosexual outside these environments. In addition, some people engage in homosexual behaviors for reasons other than desire. One example is male prostitutes (often called hustlers) who earn money by having sex with other men: while some hustlers are homosexual, but a significant number are not. Do you detest homosexual activities-and in this context referring to anal sexual specifically- or homosexual orientation?

LOVE, Speaking the language of LOVE

We crave to love someone, we crave to be love, we find it difficult to talk of love, why is love a priority anyway? Is love mysterious? Is love elusive? It is quite difficult to talk of love. I find it even harder to define what love is anyway. 

Look here, love unlike a boy or cat or dog or cup is not a noun it is a verb it is hard to describe it. There is no adjective for it. It must be demonstrated, it must be experienced. Love in its place as a verb can only be found where there is will. It can only be given out or received by someone willing. Love is an action, not a mere attitude or feeling. 

Love reaches out, speaks out, cries out and holds out, it perseveres, it is always moving, not as stagnant as the pond. Love grows; it matures, but never dies. The more we give love the more love we receive, scientifically speaking love is regulated in a positive feedback mechanism. 

Love is not the magnificent things we do to other people, but the little acts of kindness, humility, small expressions that to people... it is the little details and decisions we make upon people, it is not necessarily the major things we do in life.

Love is about daily decisions, daily acts. It is not an instance of meeting and falling in love, but what one does to maintain the love that he has fallen into. It is making each day count in someone’s life. Is it true that it is easier to be not in love than loving at all? I tend to think so. Love as said earlier is not a bang! Falling in love once and that is it. No it requires nurturing. It requires more efforts to maintain it than falling in it. If someone could love fully, with no regard to self, then we would be free of so many worries. It is for love and by love that we were created. Love lifts a sorrowful soul, saves a dying soul, forgives an offender, reconciles with the haters, speaks for the oppressed and makes life a meaning. Love heals the wound, it heals bleeding hearts, cleans the bruises of the hurting world, it brings life where it never was.

SHUT UP AND RESPECT HUMANITY IN ALL!!!

The Kenya we have today is a democratic, pluralistic, information-oriented and dynamic society. We all should be both respectful of diverse points of view and approaches to life, and competent in selecting, considering and using information to arrive at responsible decisions. I believe that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. All leaders and institutions, religious or secular, as it also applies to people should promote tolerance and sensitivity, and be on the forefront in preventing intimidation, harassment and aggression against any person whether because of their known or presumed sexuality.

We need to first deal with internalized homophobia; that is the irrational fear, negative action, perception, attitude or treatment directed toward persons who identifies as anything else other than, heterosexuals. It is a sad belief that everyone is heterosexual, because that is not the case. And worse is equating homosexuals, bisexuals, trans-genders to thieves and rapists. The former reflect diversity in sexual orientation and gender identity, and not deliberate characters or acts undertaken by thugs and rapists. Picture this, gays and lesbians lead very normal lives. You talk to them, work with them, eat with them, think like them, the difference between them and the heterosexuals is that they are not attracted sexually and emotionally to people of the opposite sex! They are attracted to people of their gender and they want to be with them. By appreciating that just there is always a deviation in almost all aspects of humanity, be it color( that have given rise to many races across the world), physical features (having the disabled and the non-disabled), intellect (quick learners and slow learners), temperaments (various personality profiles), so we should not forget that sexuality like other aspects of humanity too have deviation and just like one would place the skin color on a continuum, so can sexuality be placed. Meaning that, naturally, when a child is born, has a probability of ending up to being any of the three forms of sexual orientations (homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual).

Well, acknowledging and appreciating that there is sexual diversity does not mean that you have to approve of it, it means that you are going to look up to people who do not necessarily identify as you do, or do not hold beliefs that are not like yours, as normal human being who are just different. If then homosexuals and bisexuals are evil, thereby justifying homophobia, it then beat logic to say that apartheid is evil, and harassment of people with disabilities is bad! Simple, human rights are all universal, inseparable and indivisible!
Whatever sort of fears heterosexuals have over homosexuals and bisexuals, should be dealt with and faced with realism and soberness. It so bad that most people, and more so, the clergy just act/treat or talk about homosexuals and bisexuals, mis-defining and misrepresenting them all together out of ignorance. No one ever bothers to sit back to get to understand, where they have come from? How come they are where they are? And what does it mean to them to have a partner or a person of their gender. I mean, before you raise your hand or open mouth to say something about the LGBTI people, think again of how much you know about them and more so how factual or real your judgments or actions are based on. On the other access your level of prejudice and misinformation.

To read more on this check it here