"There's no doubt that friends are one of the greatest joys in life. Good friendships bring you connection, intimacy, fun, support and (this has been proven) better health and longevity. We can take all this rather for granted. We all instinctively know that friendships matter to us, and that we can get a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure from close relationships with people who are not blood relatives.
But when a friendship ends, it can be excruciating and very hard to cope with. When you lose a friend, the end of the friendship can feel as devastating as a bereavement. But it's difficult to grieve, exactly, because your friend is not dead. Just no longer your friend. So there's no funeral rites to help you, and no condolences from other people. The foundations of your life have been shaken - but everybody expects you to go on as normal.
You may know what it was that brought your friendship to an end. If it was by mutual agreement, you may have expected that you would be able to handle the loss of your friend with equanimity. You may be puzzled to find yourself going through the stages of grief. You may feel inexplicably weepy. Or angry. Or depressed. Because, even if you ended the friendship by agreement, you really have lost something important.
It helps to acknowledge your own pain - to other friends if you can, but at least to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of the friendship. Friendships are important parts of the structures of our lives, and when they go, they deserve recognition.
You can take the time to feel sad, but also to be glad of the good things that friendship brought you. It is sad when you realize that you might not keep in touch as often as you used to. And be as close as you used to be. Sad is even to know that you may never be in his arms again, that you have to forget the love you shared, the sweet moment. But the joy of it is realizing that at least you had a chance to love, to be intimate and have good times in your life with him. There is great power in blessing them for in a way you evoke the same blessing for yourself too. Appreciate him a gift from God and thank God for the time you spend together. Then you can join me in saying this prayer together,
iGod grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.Amen."
