Tuesday, December 7, 2010

And the debate continues

I love the word of God, because it speaks of love and redemption. However much it may condemn and look inconsistent with other issues that occurs, it embraces one thing, Love, hope and faith; which means, the bible speaks of inherent respect for all human beings irrespective of orientations, backgrounds or future projections.
Every time I am addressing any group of people or persons who are marginalized and more so the LGBTI persons, I look into getting to understand who they are, more than what they do! It is not impressing to realize people of knowledge, and who are well looked upon to give command just reduce the LGBTI to their acts. Bearing a narrow point of view and understanding of people is dangerous and least to mention detrimental to the social wellbeing of a community.
One day I was talking to a group of counselors, interesting the issue of homosexuality in high school came up. So I wrote the term HOMOSEXUALS in bold on the flip chart then I asked them, to describe them using one word, based on the following questions: who? Why? Where? When? How? Interesting I noted two men in the group just closed their eyes and flown their faces as in pain. Exploring that further, it came out evidently that at the mention of the name homosexual flushed a picture of two men having anal sex. Oh yeah right, maybe it is too happening to you too. But take a moment and think, who is a homosexual? Is it a man who has sex with men, what is commonly called MSM? Interestingly, I came to learn in that session too that most people don’t even remember actually there are homosexual women and so they just think that it involves men only. And that is why, as the comments above shows, most people just look at men who have sex with men (MSM) as homosexuals only; and as a result homosexuality as anal sex only.
Just a point of clarification, people need to get it into their mind that there is a great difference between sexual orientation and sexual activities. To start with, we are created as human beings in a way that we express complexity and diversity in character, perceptions and orientations. Sexuality- the sum total of all biological/physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual and social aspects of an individual in regard to their sex and/or gender- is no exception. Therefore across the globe, continents, communities and cultures and more so time, there are observed with keen interest sexual diversity, especially in orientation and activities carried among the people of the same gender or of the opposite genders.
While Sexual Orientation describes a person’s emotional, romantic and sexual attraction patterns to other people, be it of his gender, other gender or both, sexual activities describe the deliberate acts/activities that seeks to gratify their sexual desires and needs. They may not necessarily involve other partners, but in most cases they do. Therefore Sexual activity with a person of the same sex, in and of itself, does not necessarily demonstrate homosexual orientation. This is one of the points that most people who work with Men who have sex with men MSM, have come to appreciate. And as far as health is concerned it is an important epidemiological factor to consider as far as HIV and AIDS transmission and infections are concerned. Talking to a number of MSM I have worked with, I came to realize that most of them do not at all identify as gay, and there are there for fun, because of conditions they are in such as prisoners, and later go back to their wives or girlfriends while others are actually purely homosexuals in orientation and activities. That is just what they identify as! Well this account for the new treads in multi-cross infections. So a large number of the so called MSM turns out not to be homosexuals in orientation but just men who want to have sex with men and women too, and they do not at all identify as gay.
But that is not something I want to explore today, my point is this, homosexuals are more than just sexual activities. Homosexual relationships involve the holistic experience of sexuality just as heterosexual relationships do. That is physical contacts, and not always anally, psychological, emotional and spiritual and social aspects. These are not just people who meet people of the same gender simply because they want to have sexual intercourse with them. They are trying to complete their identity, they are looking for the complete emotional connection necessary for them feel loved and to love. I have come also realized that contrary to many people’s belief that whenever two men or women who are homosexual meet they must have sexual intercourse, and herein I refer to genital-genital, actually many of them just want to connect to someone who they feel well connected to and can comfortably express their identity to.
I will ask you all, as I have always done, to put aside all our prejudices and biases and in a sober way and understand that there is a clear distinction between sexual orientation and sexual activities. Homosexuals may do what is not conventionally referred to as natural, or commonly said to be against the order of nature, but it this is secondary to meeting their social emotional needs. Did you know there are so many homosexuals across the globe, who practice heterosexuality (even married), yet they identify as homosexuals? And have lovers who are of their gender and do not necessarily engaged sexual intercourse, yet they enjoy very strong romantic relationships with their partners? By the way can we say these ones are evil too? How about straight people who engage in anal sex or use sex toys, because they are there, what do we say of them? By doing so, do they become homosexuals?
I would like to close my comment by saying, not all who are attracted to or have sexual relationships with members of the same sex identify themselves as homosexual or even bisexual. Some people frequently have sex with members of the same sex yet still see themselves as heterosexual. At the same time there are those who practice heterosexuality yet they identify as homosexuals.  It is important therefore to distinguish between homosexual behavior, homosexual attraction, and homosexual identity, which need not coincide. For example, people in prison, the military, or other sex-segregated environments may engage in situational homosexual behavior despite being heterosexual outside these environments. In addition, some people engage in homosexual behaviors for reasons other than desire. One example is male prostitutes (often called hustlers) who earn money by having sex with other men: while some hustlers are homosexual, but a significant number are not. Do you detest homosexual activities-and in this context referring to anal sexual specifically- or homosexual orientation?

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